Spring! A time of new beginnings, of new relationships. Maybe your first date was to the prom or you are looking forward to a June wedding. In any case, it is essential that we look at the positive role dating plays in helping us make healthy relationship choices.
Building a good relationship is not easy, but it is worth the effort. Good dating relationships help people know more about themselves, including who they are and who they would like to be. In addition, they learn about others and the qualities they admire in those other people.
In a healthy relationship, both partners feel good about each other and the relationship. They treat one another with respect and courtesy. They communicate clearly and let one another know what they really think. These couples feel free to question each other and explore problems. In addition, they accept that even healthy relationships don’t always work out, and there is no shame if that happens.
A healthy dating relationship is based on equality. It exhibits respect by communicating openly and honestly. Partners listen non-judgmentally and are supportive and understanding. Opinions are valued and each point of view is important.
There is no violent behavior in these relationships. Angry feelings are expressed without acting out violently. One person should never fear the other. Each person should accept responsibility for his or her own actions and be open to feedback from the other.
Trust and support are crucial to a relationship. The rights and feelings of each should be respected. Each partner must maintain his or her individuality or separateness, friends, activities and opinions. Individual goals should be supported, and any feelings of jealously, envy or resentment need to be overcome.
It is vital that healthy sexual boundaries be maintained. Any decisions regarding sexual activity must be mutually decided upon, and no means no. Each person has the right to control his or her own sexuality and not be forced to do anything that feels uncomfortable.
Personal possessions have to be valued by both members of a relationship. Both must act with consideration for the other’s property and decisions regarding property must be honored. People who care about their partners do not destroy their partner’s property.
Important decisions should be made together. People must be willing to negotiate and compromise. It is essential that couples arrive at a win-win situation and problem-solve to the satisfaction of both. Both partners should feel safe and comfortable to express their own opinions and thoughts.
A relationship with all of these characteristics has a wonderful chance for success. If your relationship is not based on respect, trust and love, you may want to look closely at it and your future together. It is never too late to leave an unhealthy relationship and secure the life that you deserve.
Turning Point offers a 24-hour hotline for victims of domestic violence. If you or someone you know needs help or if you would like more information, please call 800-232-6505 or 740-382-8988.
Paula Roller is executive director for Turning Point, a nonprofit agency with operating funds coming for a variety of sources including the United Way and the Delaware/Morrow Mental Health and Recovery Services Board.
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Dear Saif,